| pinhole |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|07:43 pm] |
that
happiness
was
nothing
longer
than
the
flash
of
a
shutter
or
a
ship
going
under.
run. |
|
|
| anchors |
[Jul. 12th, 2008|02:11 pm] |
alaska is beautiful.
it has been nice to get away from everything.
hard at first.
alone with nothing but my thoughts to haunt me.
i don't want to return.
i want to stay gone.
i want to swallow these ghosts.
i want a garden in this graveyard.
my anxiety is torture.
enemy, enemy.
even with medication,
it persists.
i want to release all that i am carrying.
i no longer wish to know the place i called home
i no longer want any new memories there.
i have realized that.
i will leave when i return.
this much is certain.
"leave me alone
for you know this isn't the first time
in fact this is twice in a row
that the angels have slipped through our landslide
and filled up our garden with snow
and I don't wish to taste of your insides
or to call out your name through my phone
for the glory boys at your bedside will love you
as long as you're something to own
follow me through a city of frost covered angels
i swear i have nothing to prove
i just want to dance in your tangles
just give me some reason to move
but to take on the world at all angles
requires a strength i can't use
so I'll meet you up high in your anger
of all that is hoping and waiting for you"
thanks jeff.
be kind to each other.
thats really all we have left. |
|
|
| country a through k. |
[Jun. 20th, 2008|12:45 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cat power. | ] |
i
more than ever
want
to leave
this
all behind.
a
little more
than
a
wave.
and.
goodbye.
i
never cry
when i want
to.
just
when i don't. |
|
|
| contact lenses |
[May. 11th, 2008|10:48 pm] |
the longer we don't see each other,
the longer we don't see each other. |
|
|
| where do i go from here |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | havergal | ] |
i
really
wish
i
could
stop
hating
everyone
and
everything. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|03:56 am] |
i feel
as
though
all
that
is
within
me
is
i cried
for
the
first
time
in
months.
if felt good.
awake with
a
stomach ache.
my skin is so thin.
i am waiting
for
the
blood
vessels
to
heal
under
my
right
eye. |
|
|
| god damn fucking bullshit |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|09:49 am] |
losing my mind.
i have done
nothing
but school
the past
week
and
i am
fucking
sick
of
it.
i have spent so much time
and
there has been no reward
and
there will be no reward.
give me something good.
I am going to be
fucking
selfish
on
this.
i think i am getting
arthritis
in my shoulder.
no joke.
my back feels like
a boxing match.
branches.
twigs.
sticks.
snap. |
|
|
| with all sincerity |
[Nov. 9th, 2007|01:54 pm] |
will someone
please
pretty
please
tell me
why
the fuck
i
am
in
school?
{do make say think
was
amazing} |
|
|
| words to write |
[Oct. 23rd, 2007|12:05 am] |
her friend
old
committed suicide.
she does
not
wish
to
speak
and
i
am
unable
to
comfort
her.
she
lays
in
my bed
alone.
i
sit
and
stare
at
five
pages
turning
into
six
turning
into
seven
turning
into
nothing. |
|
|
| i think |
[Oct. 11th, 2007|05:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | in rainbows - radiohead | ] |
that i
really need
to get
the fuck
out of
this town.
claustrophobia.
goodmorning,
hypocrites.
i
don't
think
i
will
ever
have
enough
thick
skin
to
exist
in
this
world. |
|
|
| call off the dogs |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|11:04 pm] |
things have been shitty.
i have
been
pissed
anxious
depressed
frustrated
claustrophobic
lonely
sick
tired
annoyed
you
name
it.
calm
came.
had some thoughts.
good
ideas.
i
think
anyways.
had some breakthroughs.
improvements
soon.
i
think
anyways.
aaron is moving out.
maybe
max?
they wanted to live in
this
shitty
house.
now
they
want
out.
oh
well.
need a [two?] new roomates.
but i am not
worried.
i
think
this
will
be
for
the
best.
band stuff
has
been
.
tomorrow
there
will
be
continued
resolution.
hopefully.
sighs
of
relief. |
|
|
| for the record |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|12:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | do make say think | ] |
it really
aggravates
me
beyond words
to
wake up
content
and
happy
and
walk out
of my room
to
find
cat
vomit
piss
shit.
which i clean.
this is
every
single
morning.
this is
when
i
come
home
from
school
work
other.
the house smells like
shit
and
is
always dirty.
the more i clean
the
more
cat
vomit
piss
shit
appears.
these are not my cats!
i like cats.
but
i
am
really
starting
to
hate
them.
i am starting
to
hate
my
house.
i am
pissed
because
it
feels
so
cold
all
the
time.
not
just
the
temperature.
i didn't even
want
to
live in this
house.
i wanted the other house
with
huge
windows
and
high
ceilings.
toby wanted
that house
too.
but
max wanted
this one
and
bitched
and
moaned
because aaron
needed
his
own
room.
for fucking what?
both of them are
gone
95 percent of the
month.
both of their rooms
aren't
even
unpacked!
we
moved in
fucking months
ago.
i want out.
i want to feel at peace
when
i
am
home
and
i am
really tired
of
not feeling
at
home
in my house.
but
this
new
music
excites me.
and
it
is
good. |
|
|
| i need warmth |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|08:21 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tables & chairs - (soon mastering) | ] |
feeling alone.
yet
i
am
the
one
who
isolates
myself.
my
house
is
cold.
and i am sick.
can't really
focus
on
school.
want
to
speed
some
things
up.
want
to
slow
some
things
down.
who needs a friend?
yeah,
me
too. |
|
|
| chistmas lit |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|10:12 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | do make say think | ] |
it is
dark
in my
house.
i am trying to
study.
am trying to
study.
trying to
study.
to
study.
i can't think
straight
anymore.
i don't
recall
a
time
where
i
could
not
concentrate
as
much
as
i
can
not
concentrate
now.
not this very moment,
but
the
past
few
days
hours
minutes
seconds
my brain
is
a
heavy
petting
zoo?
what the fuck?
i
don't
know
either. |
|
|
| cluttered |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|03:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | here comes the indian | ] |
at work.
i think i am
climbing
out
of
my
concussion.
headaches
persist.
i haven't been
at
peace
lately.
my mind
never
stops
and
it
has
been
overwhelming.
even
thinking
about
positive
things.
i
want
conclusion.
i
want
security.
i
want
finality.
i
want
adventure.
i
want
surprise.
i
want
inspiration.
i
want
a
push.
i worry to much.
i
notice
more
grey
hairs.
i
hope
they
make
me
look
the
wiser. |
|
|
| out for a bit |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|05:00 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | castanets | ] |
yesterday
was
hard
but
got
better.
a
lot
better.
i have
been
feeling
really
drowsy
today.
headached.
soared.
i am
writing my
first paper
in over
a
year.
it
is
slow
process.
in part
of
the
time
lapse
in part
of
my
mind
set.
the new castanets
is
fucking great.
lots of good music coming out.
i am excited to
write
and
record
new
songs.
things are going to happen.
i can feel it.
need
to
stay
focused.
i
want
to
do
this. |
|
|
| almost a year |
[Sep. 10th, 2007|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | band of horses - cease to begin | ] |
for some reason,
i
remembered
livejournal.
and
remembered
that
i used to
write
all the time.
most
days.
most
nights.
i have needed to write.
but i can't pick up a pen.
it has been almost a year
since
my last post.
i can't even believe that.
reading the last entries
reveals how much has changed.
and
how
much
hasn't.
chalk. |
|
|
| what the fuck is going on? |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|03:52 pm] |
i have not slept in three days
or
is it four.
when you don't sleep you lose track of
time
and
place.
where is some stability?
i have more time than ever
to get nothing accomplished
and
i am succeeding.
fuck this.
i am afraid to pick up the phone.
i am crawling out of my skin. |
|
|
| misplaced infatuation (love) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|04:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | windupbird | ] |
i met you once.
i created your past.
i created your future.
i will never know you.
i am god.
some days,
movies,
books,
magazines,
coffee shops,
concerts,
sidewalks,
hallways,
houses,
and
radios,
are too much to take.
patience is wearing thin.
where are you?
i need this.
i need
something else
to fill the
cracks
in my
bones
so
desperately. |
|
|
| what the god damn? |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|02:56 pm] |
an entry?
i got hit by a car on my bicycle.
i am not asking for sympathy.
it is just so strange.
a few inches would have meant six feet
under.
this is a strange feeling.
i should be hurt much worse.
maybe i am.
something new
hurts
each day.
more.
less.
more.
it hurts when i cough.
i have been coughing.
i feel similar to the way i did
when
brockton
and
myself
got in the car accident.
my car was totalled.
we were not wearing seatbelts.
we should have gone through the windshield.
we didn't.
no even a scratch.
i have been obsessed with death recently.
and
then
this.
i am trying to wrap my head around it.
my bed is not so cold.
but it is lonely.
the winter will bring the cold.
i hope i have warmth by
then.
i have been making ambient music.
tape loops.
fucked up shit.
it sounds nice to me.
slowing down a bit.
i hope everyone is well. |
|
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